Thursday, November 19, 2009

True hope

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -- Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

I can quote this verse, but I forget, sometimes, to claim its truth and live it out. It's been a rough couple of weeks with the pregnancy, not because of any problems really, but because of expectations and false hopes.

Last week, at 37 weeks, I was barely dilated, but the doctor was hopeful that something would be happening soon. Other mommy friends told me their stories and I started to get excited that maybe we'd have a baby by the end of the week. On Friday, after timing contractions for an hour between 4 and 5 a.m., I woke Phil up, certain we'd be heading to the hospital. As I sat on the couch, though, just to be sure I was feeling what I was feeling, the contractions stopped. And as the day went on, life resumed to normal. Disappointment set in as I refreshed my memory about the signs of false labor. Then, I got angry. So, I took out my frustrations on the dishes and anything else I thought needed a good cleaning. And I wore myself out.

At my next appointment, I went in with the hope that my cervical dilation would have progressed in the last week only to find out that really nothing had happened. Same dilation, same belly measurement, and now the doctor was talking possible C-section if the baby didn't drop soon. We did have another ultrasound to measure the baby's growth, and he or she is not quite 8 lbs. yet, so the news wasn't all bad.

I left the appointment in tears, with more disappointment and frustration taking control of my attitude. After rejoicing that we made it past the 35-week mark, I've convinced myself that this baby is never going to be born, even though I'm still two weeks from my due date. I've allowed the doctor appointments, and even other birth experiences, to build my expectations and set me up for false hope. Not that anyone has intended to do that; I've just been willing to cling to any kind of hope that the baby will be here sooner than my due date.

Even the doctor this week, though, said he wished he had a crystal ball and could tell me what was going to happen. As I've thought more about the past couple of weeks, I'm being reminded that even though the doctor can't tell me for certain what will happen and my friends' birth experiences won't necessarily be mine, I have a Father in Heaven who knows EXACTLY how this pregnancy will end. He knows the time, day, place and circumstances. And though I wish He would let me in on some of that, I have no other option but to trust that His timing is perfect and will be perfect and there's a reason for all this waiting. I cannot trust in what I know, what my friends know or even 100 percent in what the doctors know because none of us is God Almighty.

And I have to remember that the hope I have in Christ is "an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." (Hebrews 6:19, NIV) When I cling to this hope, I will not be tossed about, emotionally or spiritually, but can wait with confidence for Him.

Easy? No, but neither is freaking out and placing my hope in news that seems to change from week to week. Firm and secure. That's what I need. That's what I've been lacking.

As the hymn says, "On Christ the Solid Rock, I stand. All other ground is sinking sand." Amen. And Amen.


  1. hi lisa!
    awaiting the birth of a child has always been such a vulnerable time for me, but it is also a wonderful opportunity to grow in trusting the Lord. He is letting each circumstance happen to draw you to Him. it certainly stretches your faith when you realize how dependent you are upon His sovereign plan - the birth of a child seems especially so for me. if it may be of encouragement to you, let these weaknesses of yours be a means to let Him be your strength. His Word is such a wonderful source of peace, rest, hope, faith, joy, strength . . .at least that is what He has done for me in the waiting times. each of our children have been named after a lesson God has taught us (and continues to teach us) through their life. and a verse corresponds with each story. i have loved the testimony each life has brought to our lives to reach into eternity - the life waiting for us through life in Jesus Christ! okay, i'm gonna turn this into a long comment i guess, but hopefully it will bless you.
    baby milligan #1 hogan ezekiel - child of youth, youthful one, strengthened by God's hand, our firstborn son - 2 corinthians 12:9-10 baby milligan #2 owen justus - well born, righteous one, our young warrior for Christ, little lamb - hebrews 12:10-11
    baby milligan #3 leannora sarene - a shining light; full of mercy, grace and prayer; peaceful spirit, lady fair - isaiah 26:3-4
    baby milligan #4 nikao clay - conqueror, victory, humility -1 corinthians 15:57
    baby milligan #5 able arden - He is able! (the adjective), fervent, passionate for the Lord - ephesians 3:20-21
    baby milligan #6 shiloh jubilee - place of rest, season of joy, celebration of freedom - Hebrews 12:2
    look to the life that He is working out in you through the work of the Holy Spirit as well as the new life inside of you - the precious child you will one day (SOON!) enjoy!

  2. Thanks for the encouragement Lisa! I really needed that as I reached my due date today with no sign of baby coming any time soon! It is easy to forget how God's timing is WAY better than our timing....even when we are so uncomfortable and anxious for our baby!

    Love Ya Brooke