This summer, I was getting back on track with Bible reading and prayer time, mostly because my husband had night classes and other obligations that took him out of the house for hours at a time after Isabelle went to sleep at night. Then, we went to visit family and that whole routine went out the window. Now that we're back, I'm finding it hard to get back into the groove. Isabelle's sleeping later in the morning, so as a result, I am, too. My husband's classes just started today, and his weekend job will provide those alone-time hours again soon, but I feel like my faith tools have been locked away in a trunk, only to be pulled out in an emergency, and now they're rusty.
I don't have a clue what to do to refurbish my husband's rusty tools, and I'm almost as clueless about how to polish up my faith. But I know that without the daily use of the tools God gives us to survive in this world, I'm gonna fall apart.
Just an example from this week: I'm now 26 weeks pregnant, and the baby is moving consistently, which gives me great peace of mind. But I'm to the point of pregnancy where I'm now expecting that this child will be born, and I'm afraid something terrible will happen between now and then, making the loss even greater. Not that losing a pregnancy in the early months is easy, I'm sure ... I know not of what I speak and won't pretend to ... but this is where I'm at with my worries and fears. They are fine-tuned, for sure, and I wish for a reversal -- that somewhere along the line I would forget how to worry and fear and automatically exercise my faith in a tough situation.
I guess it's a battle of will. The house is quiet now, so I should take the time while I have it. I think of Paul and his struggles and I'm encouraged: "For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate." (Romans 7:15, NASB)
Time to make the tools useful again.
I have a horrible time staying on task with the bible and my time with God. I can keep up with faceboo, e-mail, etc...but God time seems to get pushed aside.
ReplyDeletePrayers for you and the baby. I know many women who had preterm labor and went on to be overdue for the next baby. I imagine that the pain of losing a baby in utero gets harder and harder the closer to the due date :( :(
I like this blog, Lisa. I guess I can say that I dreaded with Sadie that I would lose her since we tried so hard to have her. God finally impressed upon me that Sadie was HIS before she was "mine", and that He alone had rights to her. He had entrusted me (& Brett) with her care, but I was not god over her. I have witnessed people (especially women) try to exercise control over so many areas of their lives only to find that the more they try to control, the more control they lose.
ReplyDeleteIt's mostly about trusting God. Do I trust that, even if something unthinkable were to happen to me (like divorce or death of a loved one or cancer), that it would be a part of God's plan to make me into the person He desires me to be and to glorify Himself? That's a tough place to get to, and many times He has to do some arm twisting to get us to let go of the earthly "securities" to which we cling so desperately. After all, this world is not our home, and if we got too comfortable here, we wouldn't long for our God and for eternity with Him. But "He gives more grace" when difficulties confront us and threaten to undo us. He is GOOD - all the time - even if it seems otherwise.
For all these reasons, your quiet time will be more and more important to you. You're learning to fall in love with the One who will be your love for eternity. You want to know Him deeply when you get there, because (take it from me) a honeymoon with someone you don't know very well can be a bit awkward. :)
Much love!!!